Ok, well, I’m a 15 yr old girl.
When I was 13 I got scared of growing up. I got all guilty and stuff…I can’t really remember. I used to have goals in life and I didn’t think much, but all I know is that I looked forward to school holidays and liked shopping and music and friends. I was a small eater, skinny and didn’t comfort eat.
But after I got scared and depressed (I can’t really remember what it was like cuz it’s foggy, but I know it was terrible), I kinda changed perspective. If you know what I mean, one minute I have a picture of life like this, the next minute I look at life and myself a different way. It’s like walking into a room and it looks like this, then walking into it again the next day and finding it’s 100% different. Well that’s what it feels like now.
Well last year I kinda lived with OCD and comfort ate loads. I had no point to my life i was all in a daze. It was my way of protecting myself.
Then when I realised comfort eating was wrong I put myself on a spin until december just gone by about my eating habits - controlling it, blah blah blah, when it’s not actually the EATING that was the probem, but the feelings behind it. I spent 6 months dwelling on my eating and being selfish.
I’ve been through so much mentally. I have so many feelings and perspectives inside of me collected over the past two years I can’t figure them out. I just can’t. I just can’t describe it now because I’m so lost and confused and foggy, but I can tell you there’s a lot. It’s so complex.
i keep trying to sort out my mental state, but i can’t anymore.
i can’t remember my "perspective" yesterday, or at xmas.
Today I was trying to sort it out, all the cracks, tunnels, leadings. All my feelings of self guilt and stuff, and anxiety and fear which I just cannot understand, but I just felt so overwhelmed I got a headache and I still have it now.
My positive perspective on life and whatever one week ago seems like a distant vague memory.
I feel like I’m in a whirl. I would expalin to you more about my depression, my memories and how I’ve felt, but I just can’t remember at the moment. my head hurts.
i’m seeing the school counsellor. i’ve told her lots of things, over my "changes of perspective". i don’t blame her if she doesn’t know what to believe anymore.
do you think i’ll ever be able to sort it out?
yes, in time it will all make sense and you will be able to be happy and see life clearly.
my suggestions to you are to try not to worry so much. get some hobbies and interests that take up your time. some examples are going for walks or hikes, bicycling, reading books, painting, horse back riding, take swimming lessons, playing sports, joining teams and clubs etc. when your mind is busy you will feel happy. it also helps so set goals, even small goals. write them down and when you achieve them, scratch them off. it will make you feel great to know you accomplished something =)
i cannot recommend exercise enough. get into some kind of physical activity you enjoy. for me, it is bicycling. i love the freedom of being able to go where i want, when i want. the endorphins and adrenaline which is released when you physically exert yourself will raise your mood and alleviate depression. trust me, it works every time.
i will also recommend that you adjust your diet. make sure you are taking a daily multi vitamin. eat as many fruits and veggies in a day as you can manage. drink as much water as you can! sugar is a major cause of depression! try to avoid sugary foods when you can.
i hope my tips help you get through this tough time. we all go through these feelings at your age, it is completely normal. just try to relax and enjoy life =) don’t take anything for granted. learn to appreciate what you have all around you and the beauty of life. the fact that you were born is amazing and you should never take life for granted!